Kanashi
by icywarm
Summary: Complete songfic. Shizaya. You're so kind to others that I can't help but want you to care more about yourself. Do you have enough heart left in you for yourself?


**Alright, I watched a song that was in the recommended for you videos on YouTube, and after I was finished being completely entranced and re-watching it several times, I thought, what a great angst songfic this song could be. Of course, now it won't leave me alone. So, I have to write the songfic. This song is just so beautiful, and I immediately thought of Shizuo and Izaya while listening to it.**

**I found the lyrics on http :/www .jpopasia .com/lyrics/29878/radwimps/kanashi .html (Remove the spaces.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara nor do I own the song Kanashi. Durarara is owned by Ryohgo Narita. (I think. That's what it said when I looked it up.) And Kanashi is owned by the band Radwimps. (I looked up English lyrics. It's so beautiful.)**

**Summery: Complete songfic. Shizaya. You're so kind to others that I can't help but want you to care more about yourself. Do you have enough heart left in you for yourself?**

**Warning(s): Ooc-ness, but that's expected.**

If we could always remember how it feels to hurt someone, hurtful words might never come to be.

"Hahahahaha! Shizu-chan can't catch me!" Izaya just laughed as he dodged yet another random object being thrown towards him. "Shizu-chan is just too slow! It's like he doesn't want to kill me!"

Shizuo felt a vein pulse against his forehead as he took the bait. "I-ZA-YA!" 'I don't want you dead…' Of course, it's not as if Izaya would ever know the last part.

Our hearts, full of love or withered, are always pushing someone away, pulling them close again, and someday blaming it on the moment.

Izaya was just running from Shizuo, laughing the whole time, not really paying attention to where he was going. Shizuo's eyes widened as he saw the cars starting to drive. "I-ZA-YA!" Shizuo sprinted towards where Izaya was, grabbing him from behind, and holding him up with 'anger'. The car zoomed past.

"My my, Shizu-chan, saving me, are you? It's almost like you don't want me to die."

Shizuo growled as he threw Izaya in some random direction, no doubt hurting him. "Just get out of Ikebukuro, and maybe I'll let you live, flea."

Blurring away the faces of the ones we hurt, we search again for love. We are only kind because we want to be loved. We do it shamelessly, that is what being human is.

Shizuo didn't remember the faces of anyone he hurt unless he saw them again. Unless it was some worthless scumbag who deserved whatever Shizuo had dished to him, Shizuo would try to forget their face. It would do no good remembering the looks on everyone's face who he had hurt. The person's face he didn't remember the most, was Izaya's. Ever since they met, all Shizuo had tried to do was kill him. Because of this, _guilt,_ it always took Shizuo a moment to recognize Izaya. No one ever noticed though. All they waited for was the violence that was soon to follow.

Your voice saying, "I love you," sounded like a crying whisper. Somehow I knew that one day the heart would be untrue to itself.

After every fight, Shizuo would mutter five simple words. These words were always muttered so quietly that not even a sound detector of any kind would be able to pick them up.

After every fight, after Izaya managed to get away from Shizuo, he would swear that he heard five words.

_I'm sorry. I love you._

But it was always faint and no one else heard it, so Izaya always just shrugged it off. Something he always noticed was that the words sounded as if they were laced with the essence of sadness. The words were pleading. But, a plead from _who_?

You're so kind to others that I can't help but want you to care more about yourself. Do you have enough heart left in you for yourself?

Something Izaya always picked up is that when Shizuo wasn't angry, he got along with practically everyone. He would chat and laugh, and little kids would even come up to him, asking how strong he really was. Only when he was angry would people run away. Only when he was in a bad mood would no one go near. He seemed to care for everyone.

"I wonder, Shizu-chan, can you care for yourself? You never to go to Shinra until sometime after you get the injuries…"

I'm no good, my heart, it's my heart and I use it only for myself. How can you love someone like me?

Once, when the two were at Raira, Izaya was asked out by some girl. It was at the end of the day, and Izaya didn't notice Shizuo who was near-by. "O-Orihara Izaya?" The girl was nervous. It was obvious.

"Hmmm? What is it? I'm busy."

"W-well, Izaya-kun, I was wondering if… I was wondering if you would go out on a date with me." The girl was blushing, and incredibly embarrassed. Everyone called Izaya Orihara a bastard, and she had just asked him out.

Izaya blinked in surprise before he burst out laughing. "Oh, little girl, never in a million years could anyone go out with me. I would never love you, seeing as I love all humans. My heart is for me. Run along." Izaya was serious. He didn't even care for his sisters. The only person he would love, not as a being, was himself. Shizuo was not seen at school the next day. However, his feelings didn't change.

Every time I lied for my own sake all you did was allow tears to fall from you eyes. God knew that everything would happen and so he gave you open eyes.

Shizuo was incredibly aware of everything Izaya did. No, he did not stalk Izaya. Shizuo was at least a head taller than everyone, and his blond hair would stick out anywhere. He did not hire anyone either. It more like, he was just aware. He knew about every lie, every truth, and every in between Izaya would speak. Still, he was strong, so he acted as if it didn't, and it killed him. Alone, every night, a few tears fell. They fell for Izaya's sake. For the sake of a person he couldn't help.

And then I realized that more than anyone, more than anything, I myself was the one I held dearest.

"Namie. The one human I care for more than anything is myself. I can't lie to me; I can't deceive me; most of all, I can't hurt me." It was his logical deduction. He couldn't really care for anyone. So he turned to the person who would never betray him, himself. Namie said nothing about her boss's little revelation.

Despite that, despite all of that, your words tell a person like me. They tell me that you loved me more than anyone, more than anything.

Izaya hadn't seen Shizuo for a few days; so naturally, he entered Ikebukuro looking for the blonde. 'Hmmm, Shizu-chan doesn't seem to be out and about.' Izaya wondered around, a simple curiosity keeping him from leaving.

"Orihara Izaya?"

Izaya whirled around to see a young man. Not just any young man, but a certain actor that his sister's fawn over. Also, he was Shizuo's kid brother. "Yes. What do you want?"

Kasuka Heiwajima just stared blankly at Izaya before nodding. "I can see why." After saying that simple sentence, Kasuka just walked away.

Now Izaya was curious. "Hey! See why what?" Kasuka turned around.

"I can see why he cares for you more than anything. Too bad it'll never be returned."

"Who?"

"That's his business to tell you." Kasuka again walked away, being absorbed into the mass of people walking around. Izaya was a bit confused and curious. He would definitely break whoever it was who liked him. It'd be fun!

You didn't even know that that was called kindness.

No one did.

Your heart had always, always been there for someone else's sake, but how much have you been able to love yourself?

Izaya was thinking aloud that night as he just lay in his bed. "I wonder if Shizu-chan loves himself. I mean, he seems to care for so many other people, when he's not angry that is. Yet, he is called a monster. A freak. Just plain dangerous. He's always there for someone else. He even saved me one time. Of course, it's probably because he wants to kill me himself, but still…"

I was treated to gently, too kindly but how much was I able to love someone else?

They say that words reflect how a person really is. Why did god decide to make these words so close?

Izaya was called a bastard. Shizuo was called a monster. These were both true, however, Shizuo was a kind monster who didn't mean to injure others, while Izaya was just as he was…

If words and the heart were in sync, if they became one just how many of the sorrowful lies I spoke to you would be turned into a gentle love?

Everyone's the same; we all have "someone" just for us so why does that "someone" not exist for me?

Izaya had been thinking a lot more about affairs of the heart than he usually did. 'Why do people love? It's just illogical. No matter what happens, they'll just end up with a broken heart. That could be soon, or it could happen when the other dies. It'd be a lot easier for everyone if no one loved. Get with someone for the purpose of keeping the human race going, and then raise the kids. Don't talk to each other, just live and keep the race going. That'd be a whole lot easier.' Then his thoughts got a little more personal…

'However, it seems as if, though there'll be heartbreak, everyone has some one just for them. Who do I have? Not one. I love them all; never could one human be my soul interest. So, there isn't one for me. Why?'

Because there is "someone you love more than yourself, you like yourself. I can say it now, that I like you more than myself. I like the way I am now.

Shizuo had done something that would likely just have him picking up pieces of his heart and badly gluing it back together with a glue stick. First thing he did, was call Shinra, and asked for Izaya's number. Shinra had given it up with one threat of from Shizuo. Shizuo then texted Izaya.

'Izaya…' Shizuo didn't have the words, but he made them. 'I've… always felt for you. And not hatred. Call me back, and I'll take whatever it is that you have to tell me.'

Before he sent it, he double, triple, and quadruple checked the number to make sure that it was the right number. It was. Hesitantly, he hit send.

The tears that are shed when someone cries for another, that is evidence of the existence of love. The person who taught me that was you, you who created my heart.

Izaya almost immediately received the text. He read it, eyes widening as he perceived Shizuo's words. Someone… cared for him? There was someone who wanted him, faults and all. Someone, someone who only pretended to want him dead. Shizuo Heiwajima.

"Who was this all for? It was for myself," I can say it now. Because that is what living is, that is what being human is.

I will no longer call it kindness.

All of it, different types of love. Friendship. Family. Kindness. Want. Different types of love. That's what everyone had. Love for friends; love for family; love for strangers; love for a partner. It isn't kindness; it never was.

Your heart, which had always been for there for someone else's sake, must have loved yourself as well.

Izaya didn't call back. He thought at first. 'Everyone and everything has at least one who loves it. Shizu-chan must love himself for being able to love others like he does.' Izaya called Shizuo's number.

Will I be able to love someday, can I become someone like you? How much will I be able to love that "someone"?

Shizuo answered, muttering a hello into his phone. "I don't know. I've never and I don't know about your plea." Izaya hung up after that, not letting Shizuo say a thing. Really, would he be able to love a single individual? Could he ever forget about his love of all humans just to be with someone? The answer…

You cried, you cried as if your heart screamed for you to cry. As if it was praying so hard that you wouldn't hate me.

You loved, you loved someone, so much that you let your heart wither. You even let yourself wither.

Shizuo deflated, knowing. He knew that that was it. No. If Izaya couldn't answer now, he would never be able to answer. There wasn't even a chance. There was never a chance. The one person Shizuo ever liked that didn't mind his strength…

His heart… he would have to pick it up, cut himself on the shards. Try to glue it back together. Fail at gluing it back together. He would live the rest of his life with a broken heart.

Your voice saying, "I love you," sounded like a crying whisper. As if you'd always known that our hearts would be the only thing to save us.

No. Izaya couldn't give up his love of all humans. He never would. It was something that was a part of him. And, because of it, he lost the only person who would ever care for him as he was. He lost the only person who ever wouldn't care if he changed or not, and would love him either way.

_**Their hearts did not meet. They were unable to save each other.**_

**I made myself cry. I started writing this with the intention of having them get together, but then, as I typed along with the song, I just drifted farther and farther from that, until it showed that they couldn't save each other. Don't be mad. Please? Besides, it's a good fanfic, isn't it? *Unsure.***


End file.
